Things that make me smile

A "real" post will follow.

Click on this link. It will amuse you for hours: Singing Horses

And then...

> Letter to Dr. Laura from Bob and Sheri listeners.
>
> Dear Dr. Laura:
>
> Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
> have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
> many people as I can. For example, when someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be
> an abomination. End of debate.
>
> However, I do need some advice from you regarding some of the other
specific laws and how to follow them.
>
> 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They
> claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
>
> 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
> Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
>
> 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
> her
period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I
> tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
>
> 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
> claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
> clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?
>
> 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
> 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
> myself?
>
> 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
> Can you settle this?
>
> 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
> have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
> vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
>
> 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How
> should they die?
>
> 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
> me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
>
> 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
> different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
> different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
> curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
> getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn't
> we
just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
>
> I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
> you
can help.
>
> Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
>
> Your devoted fans,
>
> Bob and Sheri **************
>
>

A less bitter post

This post is best accompanied by the song "Homeland".

Three more days at my Brookville Placement. The end is in sight... I'm exstatic!

Life has been good lately, no drama, no real excitement, nothing too special. Lots of road trips because I can't stand Clarion.

Although happy, I can't help but feel a little bit alone. Teaching has distanced me from the drama on a good note, and a lot of my friends that I have here on a bad note. I don't have a lot of really close friends, the people I consider good friends are what others would consider aquaintances. Unfortunatley, I'm not here to be aquainted with anyone these days except for a little bit in passing.

Such is life... summer will be nice, at least!

Boys suck. Not that that is anything new, but they do. I can't seem to find any who are looking for what I am... Its not as much about going out to clubs and being seen and talked about... I miss sending cute little notes to someone, going to musicals or movies, taking random walks in warming weather, holding someone while we sleep... Just the little things that when happening, we take for granted. And I want to take it slow... not because i want to keep my options open... more like because its more fun that way. There are only so many firsts... why not take time to enjoy them? There can't be much backtracking with someone you meet and jump into bed with. And I've done my share of that... never to any great avail. Holding hands doesn't mean much if you've already seen eachohter naked. I'm over sex and can live without that... its important, but not as much so as having someone to be comfortable with. So, is anyone actually looking for that, or am I right about being alone in how i feel about relationships?

Oh well, i'm over it.
just waiting for something extraordinary to come along i guess... but will i notice when it does?

School tomorrow, so time for bed... :)

Robbie

Dissecting the gay personal ad, part II

So, I definitely should have given up online boyfriend shopping for Lent this year. HOWEVER...

There are certain unspoken rules in the world of gay personal ads. First off, no one will ever claim that they actually use personal ads obsessively, usually starting with the line 'well, i've never written one of these before but...' The longer this line is, the more of them they've posted and the more times a day they check their personals mailbox(es). In fact, its scientific. For instance 'Well, Hi, i'm new to this online personals thing and i've never had one before, but here goes...' would equal somewhere in the neighborhood of 12 or so personal ads.

The Pic is the next thing. If there isn't one, just don't bother because its 2004- everyone has access to some type of online picture medium. If not, they're probably in the neighborhood of 50 years old-- or, they're not mcuh to look at. However, just because a picture looks good doesn't mean a whole lot. Webcams can hide a lot at the correct angle. Additionally, no gay man ever has a "good pic" online. Usually the caption reads I hate this pic, This pic sucks but..., or This is an old pic of me. Be leary of other people in the picture too- boys because you will always be matching yourself up to Mr. Photo, and girls because it may signal that he won't have time to hang out with you because of his TV schedule.

Next, no one is ever looking for a husband, or even someone to date casually. The perferred terminology is 'looking for friends and maybe more if something develops' The real meaning: I'm so looking for someone to date, sleep with, maybe even stalk, but i don't want to sound like as big a hoe as I am. If you find one that says 'Looking for long term commitment', chances are they're A. ugly, B. lying, C. both.

Likewise, the following definitions apply: Not sure I'm ready for a relationship= Not sure i'm ready for a relationship with you , do you have a six pack? Recently broke up with my partner= did it this morning, need someone to sleep with before we get back together. Never been in a gay relationship before= I'll give you a complex about me liking britney spears. Doesn't do hookups= does hookups. Doesn't do hookups, thats disgusting (blab about random hookups more)= I do it all the time and got some of my STD's that way.

Then theres what they're looking for, always centered around personality. The more they talk about personality, the more they think about looks. Simply add "in bed" to each sentence in this section, and it puts it into the right perspective. For example, "Someone who likes to have long conversations in bed watch movies in bed is honest and sincere in bed. You get the idea!


Additionally, it is a cardinal sin to not like movies, music, hanging out with friends, walks on the beach, going to clubs, the outdoors, and small fuzzy animals. Its here you can find out some real information about your man-o-the night. Usually aside from the standards they add one or two things that wow... they actually like . All you need is one or two to sort them out. They include hunting (hick) cars (usually redneck unless it means "i drive a jetta") sports (yikes), computers (addicted to sim city), gardening (i lied about my age), going to the gym (actually i don't, but hopefully you do!), and etc...

Desperation can always be measured considering the mediums of contact given (whether they're allowed or not) The more forms, the more desperate. Email, yahoo messenger, AIM, ICQ, cell and fax numbers would generally signal desperation and possibly a problem. No contact info is also a big red flag (for because I have a boyfriend).

This makes personal ads sound rather daunting, but now you know how to find Mr. Right, and more importantly, how NOT to find Mr. Wrong.