a real post

So, its July 21st already... I can't believe I made it this far. I've been here for 2 months and 5 days, which is... well...about 2 months more than I thought I would make it. From what i hear, considering the events of the summer, people are rather impressed that I stuck it out this long. Considering I have a beautiful boy waiting for me at home, I'm not sure why I'm here now. I know my purposes here this summer have kind of been fulfilled. Obviously, I was exactly right down to the letter about what happened with Ryan. The day he said the words Cedar Point was the beginning of the end. From that I learned once again that my intuition is always completely right. I've spent two months growing and finding myself again- and I finally feel like I did. I've learned a lot about myself this summer and a lot about relationships. And, I met one of my best friends ever- Mick. The best part of that is that hes actually coming to Clarion in the fall, and I know life with him there will be a blast.

Tyler and I are still together. There is still going to be drama when I get back... I jsut want to rise above it, which left to Tyler and I, i think that we can and have a lovely, drama free existence. One thing I've seen this summer is how silly drama is. Its really easy to see that when you deal with the fags around here flipping out over the tiniest things. I let the drama fly by me... I wish everyone else would let it go too. I know there is a lot of bitterness after things don't go right with someone, but is there much reason to run around and tell everyone about the other persons flaws, completely neglecting ones own? No. Does it make us feel better about ourselves? Yes. It makes us feel great to go out with a piece of information on the other one and use it as much as possible to put them down, making ourselves seem rather righteous in the process. Sadly, its our own flaws that we should be looking at more closely. Looking at the others definitely isn't a recipe for a friendship without drama. Its a recipe for getting into a fist fight in some bank parking lot at 4am. So, i'm done with that and i'm done with people who aren't done with that. How was that for a vague paragraph?

As much as I love CP and the awesome friends I have and the really fun times we've been having together, I'm homesick. Theres still quite a bit of summer left, and I could really use the time strengthening relationships at home- with Tyler if things work out and with friends... Its going to be a great year in Clarion and it will be good to get the friends back that I've lost touch with- I'm anxious to get started. Whenever I call anyone at home, I can tell I'm loved... and i really am starting to miss that. I don't know how i'm going to get thru the next 4 weeks, especially with ghosts of a past existence keep following.

Yay, by the way... Tyler is going to come visit out here :) That will definitely be a good time :)

Robbie

If thats how you want to play this game, then I'm done. Go to hell.

I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is

You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege