The Perfect Man

So, this post isn't a CP post because I'm not at CP... for the only 5 days of vacation I'm taking this summer, I'm hanging around Wildwood, NJ. Sadly, its not sunny today, so working on my tan wasn't an option. At least I can sit around and be lazy and not really worry about much of anything. THAT is nice... I'm away from any drama that could possibly be going on.

After driving nearly 10 hours, I slept REALLY well in a double bed last night. Sadly, it was alone... but definitely a good time. I've also enjoyed taking a shower without my flip-flops and some good food that I don't have to pay for. It also gives me a little bit to recharge and think about my life without having to really live it. Its important to me to have a little time to do that now and then.

Sunday marked the one month mark since I've been out of Clarion. In that month I'm rid of someone that I probably shouldn't have been with for so long anyway as much as it was hard to give him up. I've found a job at CP that I love, made a whole bunch of friends and strengthened ties with some old ones. I've separated myself from the daily life of all the Clarion homos who I still hold dear to my heart. My friends at home don't understand some things right now. Maybe someday they will. Its hard for anyone to understand me I guess... And thats a shame. In fact, some don't even try. They just tell me that I'm a bad friend and etc... so, they can be bitter for now. Like I said, someday maybe they will understand too.

I'm happy. For the first time in a long time. If thats a problem... then whatever...

I couldn't help but think as I was falling asleep last night of my current guy situation- specifically the characteristics I want and more importantly the ones I don't want. Sadly, i've learned more recently about the ones that I don't. Foremostly, I want someone who likes me for who I am, and who doesn't always give me the impression that they are looking for something better. I want someone who isn't afraid of who they are no matter who they are around... (co-workers, other friends, etc) It just feels so good to be holding someones hand walking through, say, and amusement park or something... my point is I think that I want someone who doesn't care how masculine or feminine I act or anything like that... someone that I don't have to change myself for- or even feel the need to change myself for. I guess another thing is that I don't really need anyone... But... there is part of me that misses the security of someone always being there. Moreover, I know that some of the people in my life right now actually kinda fit the bill of Mr. Right... I don't want to miss out on that chance, but I also don't want to rush into anything...

I guess its time for a break until I do know what I want.

Oh well, I was feelign reflective... I guess now would be a good time to end this post and work on something else...

Ciao
Robbie