Real journal entry...

So, ive been slacking a lot at journaling, and I was just looking over my journal from last year at this time, and it kind of puts me to shame now....

I havne't been working on Fridays this break, but since Mary and I didn't make it to Pegasus last night, I went in for a few hours just to make some extra spending money... Campus is slowly coming back to life. The RAs are all back, and people who live off campus are slowly moving back and getting into the swing of things... There was more traffic and more people in general around today. It will be a complete madhouse on Sunday when the dorms open and then on Monday since we don't have classes and everyone will want to get back into the swing of things.

Brendan was up today. I didn't see him, but I came home from work at 5 to find that he brought in a new bed- and the new matress and springs are leaning in my hallway... geez... I wonder what we're going to do with the old one. Oh well. He moves back in for real tomorrow, meaning that I again give up living alone. I like brendan as a roomate, but I do enjoy having a break from time to time ;)

I went out for dinner with Grandma, Grandpa, Dani, and Aunt Eleanor. That was a treat... I was expecting to eat frozen waffles or something... So we went to EnP and had fun... whoohoo.

Did I mention that it is FREEZING... its about -5 as I write this... So Dani and I curled up at my apartment and I told her all about my life lately (Tyler, New Years, 21st etc...) Then, I actually called Tyler. It was our first time actually talking on the phone since the boy doesn't have a cell phone... lol. So I called him at work. Hes so cute on the phone... He works at a video store, by the way... which is prime material for many prank calls in the future! I was hoping that he would be coming up, but he didn't think he could swing it and asked if I would come down there and hang out with them... It wasn't really my plan for the evening, but whatever... I took Dani with me and soon we were on 322 going to Reynoldsville to meet Tyler.

First though, we stopped at grandmas, where she lectured ME about danis tongue ring- and totally out of proportion. Seriously. Grandmas like, "She might as well hang a sign on her back" I didn't get it at the time, but apparently grandma thinks that people get tongue rings just to give oral sex... Which she told me on the phone later. I couldn't deal with that... so we left. Grr.

The drive was pretty good... we listened to dance music to drown out my car... I seriously need to get a new muffler :(

We met Tyler at the video store and then he drove the rest of the way to Dubois to meet Erin (after we helped him count money and close up the store for the night... hehe) That was fun... The video store has a closet-o-porn... its so tacky, I love it!

So we went to Perkins and met Erin and hung out there. The more I hang out wiht Tyler, the better time we have. Its cute enough to incite projectile vomit, really. Erin spent most of dinner at a different table, but whatever... Then we went to Tylers friends apartment, and Erin came too... That was fun... and also the quickest sex i think I have ever had! (but damn good, no less) Erin and Dani were watching lesbian porn during this, and i think Erin sufficently scared Dani... lol

Brendan called while we were there... We'll talk more when he gets back, im sure.

Anyway, it was a nice relaxed evening... I wish I would have gotten to actually sleep next to Tyler, but that will come eventually I am sure. I think I might actually be in a good relationship for a change, and its a good feeling :) About the time I gave Erin the nickname buttplug (PS i don't know why im so mean to Erin tonight) Tyler decided we should head out... So we did... Tyler dropped us back off at my poor cold car and we headed back to clarion (not before a goodnight kiss though ;) )

Dani and I made it back to Clarion and are both curled up under blankets since its SO FUCKING COLD. Brrrrrrr.... Heres to another fun night...
Night night

Music: Tori Cd... ;)

New beginnings...

Well, in classic style, i think its about time for a reflective post. As this week celebrated my 21st birthday, in many ways its the beginning of a new part of my life as a twenty-something. Its not even necessairly this specific date, but theres been a shift from one season of my life to another in recent times. When I think of who I was even just a few months ago, I can barely recognize myself now in comparison. My twentieth year was quite a big year in my life... I just read the entry from my journal from a year ago (yes... homos been journaling forever) and it was mostly about the semester beginning and Brendan and I. So much has changed. my 19th year was spent totally with the same person... then this past year, I had a total of four boyfriends... First there was Brendan... ending in February. Then there was Travis Tibolet, followed by my summer with Jayson, and the very latest being Tyler but he was way after all of that... I learned a lot about guys and a lot about myself through all of that, especially the phase after Brendan and being a newbie all over again, getting into the gay scene after being practically married. A lot of boys touched my life this year (and my penis, for that matter) and I learned a bit from every one. It was an exploratory year for me and relationships... and I think I know a lot more about myself and what I am really looking for in life and in someone to be with. Without the (sometimes regrettable) things I did this year, I wouldn't have a clue still and think that I do. I also realized that I can be complete without someone to complete me- I can make it on my own. As much as I love having someone and as much as it sucked to be alone, I can survive and learn regardless, and being single is not the end of the world. And, as things turned out, it was worth the wait, since the end of the year brought the addition of a beautiful boyfriend to my life who I am really enjoying getting to know and being with. I almost forgot how much i missed that...

Other than boys, the greatest friends in the world have come and gone over the past year... My main core of friends kind of drifted all in different directions, a lot of that is attributed to the great breakup of Brendan and I (we were an institution, afterall) compounded with a lot of other things. Sara became my best friend during the year, and much later, Brendan did as well... We eventually got along very well and still do. And things changed even more through the summer and fall, with the addition of Bob to my group of friends as well as Ron and Mary. All of whom, I didn't even really know that well a year ago. It was a long year of finding myself, and these people really shaped that journey a lot. I love the people in my life right now, and there will always be issues and friends coming and going, but I've managed to meet the best ones ever in the last year... The people in Brendan's, Bob's, and Sara's lives have also affected me... Brendans boyfriends (Brandon, Brian, Kenny) Sara's drama,... it was a hell of a year... and we're all still standing.

Healthwise it was probably one of the worst years ever between Tonsilitis in June (just after Grandma Evelyn passed away) to kidney problems in August... I'm hoping for a better year this time around for that.

I've lightened up a lot this year. I learned how to drink, party, club, and be random. Life was so structured before this year, and now its much more random. I can drink my weight in alcohol and hold my own... ;) Driving to and from pittsburgh at all hours of the morning is not an issue at all now... and I love to dance...

Anyway, This has really been a defining year in my life, with a lot of memories made, promises kept and broken, and many many hours spent having fun and actually living. And I feel kind of like I'm entering something new, coming up to the surface after the trials and learning experiences from last year. Ive begun my first professional job among other things... Am planning on getting a new car, and overall, I want to have fun and enjoy life without petty drama and without worrying about things that aren't worth it. I won't be afraid to love, to experience, to remember, to cry.... The journey has just started, and a new day has begun. Next week begins the new semester, a new period of my friends and i living our lives practically on top of eachother. New drama, new loves, new breakups, new pain... And I've never been so ready. And, I can't wait until next year at this time to look back and see what more I have learned about this amazing journey that we call life.

Ciao

Happy birthday to meeee...

Well well another week has flown by. This has been the longest Christmas break ever, but its also gone really fast.

So, Tyler and I are official, as of this past Saturday :) He had an awful time at his district chorus, and was glad to be leaving with me on Saturday i think ;) I got to see both concerts... Friday night with Erin and Bob in a blizzard and I thought we might die. So, I love Erin but I think I almost killed her for trying to help me drive! I apoligized later though so its all good... whatever. It was a pretty scary drive, and the concert was only about 25 minutes from here- it took us over an hour. Oh well, Tylers family wasn't coming to see him, so I came to the concert on Saturday by myself and brought him home with me :) Now, that was fun! We had a good day just talking and cuddling and... well you knowing... I really enjoy him a lot ;) We "came to a mutual agreement" to go out. Yay (even though i was the cutest thing when he asked me if i would be his boyfriend... but for the record he didn't ask... tehe) So, then we went to DuBois to take him home and hang out with Erin for a bit. It was a church night for me, so anything too outlandish was out of the question... well almost anything... We met Erin outside of JCPenney where she works and that began the outlandish part... She wanted to smoke, which was fine with me... but that involved us going back to Tylers to get some things, then the other direction back to Erin's... So that took awhile. I didn't mind so much of course, because I was spending time with my new man. We got to Erin's and she was in the midst of giving her friend (umm I forgot her name) a makeover. This amused me, because we were only planning to go to Perkins or something and the girls were dressed to the nines. Oh well... Tyler amused himself playing with a cat toy and we hung out there for awhile... then back out. Now, I'm fairly experienced in a lot of things, but I've never really smoked or paid a lot of attention to it. I mean, Brendan does it occasionally and I've seen that, but this was a little different. We were in Erin's car in the woods somewhere- now, I don't even know how to smoke to begin with, so I wouldn't say that I really got high from smoking, but the car was so filled with smoke that I definitely was not in my right mind. We drove around for awhile- the joint was definitely too big by the way, and everyone was pretty wasted- and ended up at Perkins, but just in the parking lot until these scary redneck people started staring at us. Ok, so we were stoned, but it wasn't paranoia- they got out a damn deer spotlight and shone it into the car. So, instead of eating we went back to Erins and then I proceeded to DRIVE HOME.... (after kissing Tyler goodnight, of course ;) )I thought I was fine until i realized i couldn't focus enough to change radio stations and drive at the same time. It was rather amusing.... Then a deer jumped in front of me... I missed it, stopped, and laughed at it... i'm like... STUPID DEER!
So, I made it to clarion, stopped a shleven and bought a bag of chips and came home and ate them all, then i went to bed... what a day :)

Sunday... just like every week, church... sleep all day... dinner out... get online... that was all. Bob and Ron went to see Kristen in Slippery Rock... but that didn't sound like what I wanted to do for the night, not that I don't LOVE KRISTEN or anything, but I wanted a night in talking online and such.... it was a good time

Monday... Time to start celebrating my b-day! So its not until wednesday, but whatever.... Tyler was really down today and I felt bad i couldn't do much. If it had been any other week I would have stayed in for the evening and just talked to him at least... but friends are important to and everyone was expecting me at NyNy for family night.... Luckily I did get to talk to him for a little bit before I left Clarion. *sigh* that boy is hard to leave... I can't wait to see him... we're tentatively having dinner on Wednesday for my birthday (since im not doing anything with the family until the weekend) so i can look forward to that...

more in a few....