The Straight Project

Being the civic minded homosexual that I am, I finally decided to test a theory. A lot of my straight counterparts seem to think that being gay is done for attention, or for whatever reason, and we're all really straight. So, last night, I decided to think about girls rather than boys just to see if it was possible. So things started off well. It was late at night and I was alone. I decided I would fantasize about a girl... now who... well... how about... no. I can't think of her that way. Maybe. No. EW. We're way too good a friends for that. How about I think of... no, we would definitely laugh the whole time. Truthfully, I couldn't think of a girl that way. Like, they have cartoon genitals or something. Maybe if i try to think of a girl I'm not friends with. Yeah, htere we go... that hot girl that... wait, did I just say hot girl? Well, I know what a hot girl is. Shes probably sleeping with the entirety of some college sports team. How about... no, shes a hoe too. Hmm... this isn't working so well. In fact, its not working at all. Maybe... no, her boyfriend is way too hot... he must work out every day, and his six pack... I saw him with his shirt off one time, happy trail down to the nicest.... oh fuck, wait, this isn't right... I meant to think of girls while I did this. Oh well, at least I have a good start now. Now lets see.... I did have that one experience back in high school. True, it didn't go real well what with me fingering the wrong hole and all, but maybe the thought could get me going... Thats it... we started out... oh yeah... that was good... and then she... ooh... Hmm, maybe my boyfriend is right, maybe this girl thing isn't so bad at all... he has done it with girls... ooh, now him doing it with a girl... now thats hot... mm, oh wait, hes doing it with me... hes... oh fuck... I was supposed to be thinking of... dammit. Too late.

Guess I'm gay after all!

Rob

ups and downs

Im down today... yesterday I was in a great mood, I felt more like myself than I have in Clarion all semester... Today is just different. I think i need to get out of the house or something. Mostly it was Ryan... he was in a pissy mood after lunch and picked the wrong time to go off on me- not having anything really to do with me- but still. There are moments that I wish I weren't getting so close to leaving Clarion (like last night) and then moments that I would much rather jump off the bridge (the high one on 322, not the Tobey bridge, whcih I have, indeed, jumped off of many times before) than spend one more moment in this town. The more I think about it, the music thing is not working for me. Like, this isn't just "that time in the semester", I really don't think its working. I'm not sure I can settle for teaching music for the rest of my life in a high school. I need to start there to get into grad school, and I suppose I've come to terms with that. Music people are just too wierd. I want to create- not work. But, I'm not ready for that quite yet.... The more I think about it, the more I should have been an English major. Seriously. I want to change my major. However, it is WAY too late for that. I would be 23 by the time I get out of this dump, and I simply can't stay here that much longer. I can't put my other goals on hold. So what do I do. What can I do. I see two options right now... Sleep with the head of the english department, or get my music degree and bite the bullet for a couple of years while I decide what else I can do...

I'd say B is the better option, because the head of the English department is A. Not my boyfriend, and B. a woman... soooo... yeah

Anyway, I must get to class i suppose... if i cared about class that would be exciting. But i don't... I don't even pretend anymore, and my professors know this. They know that I have no intention of putting forth any more effort than I absolutely have to, and that seems to work out fine, since me putting forth no effort seems to equal the best efforts of most of the students here. Another reason Clarion drives me crazy. I have put forth virtually no effort on classes in the last year or so, ever since I got a job and burned out, and still, I get great grades... I've never gotten a C even. All As and Bs. And I could say, imagine what I would learn if i put forth effort... but no. Its not the case. I learn more from my job than I do from my education.

Enough ranting. I'm suppsoed to go to the bar tongiht with Megs and Bethany (Bethany who is going to NYC this weekend too so we're gonna be buddies on the trip) and maybe to the "tea party" before that. Now, I've only had tea a time or two, so I don't even know how to drink it let alone what it would do to me... But maybe. I could be like all the real musicians I know.

Or not

Alcohol is better than tea for me!

Robbie

Another semester rolls on by

When did i come so close to the end of my college career?
Out of all of this, i've learned so much, and chiseled myself into what I am now. I've dealt with depression, diseases, death, all nighters (usually before church), random road trips, late night cups of coffee, lots of hysterical made-for-tv sitcom moments and plenty of made for lifetime movie tearjerkers as well. I've had a lot of sex... I've watched my circle grow, expand, and contract. I drank a lot, I ate a lot, I laughed a lot.

And from that, theres me.

I like the independence i've found. The memories, i can curl up with those on a rainy day and feel pretty good. The people... well i could do the same with them i suppose :)

So, im feeling reflective.... There are moments i would relive over and over again. The night in Wilk with Mary and Bob, for instance... i would do it every night if i could. Club nights. And practically every moment i've spent with Joel. Overall, ive learned that happiness can take many forms, and everything happens for a reason.

To more moments... memories... tears... laughs...
To my friends, and my foes...
To sleeping until 4pm and drinking wine for breakfast.
To getting in at 5am not totally remembering why you left in the first place.
To my cat, to Mountain Dew, to Wally World, to Pammy Stover, to pictures, to Times Square, to Fred, to emotional breakdowns in the cemetary in the rain the closing night of Peter Pan, to parties, to sex, to getting the last doughnut at the caf, to cedar point, to Clarion Winters...

to my life.
Everyone should be me

Ciao