Another Year, what have we learned?

As I sit here on Christmas eve, waiting to play once again at I.C. for midnight mass, I wonder about where I am now as opposed to a year ago. I look back and find three posts. One from Christmas Eve, one from Christmas day, and one other. Despite every change in my life and every person that is there that hasn't been, I have the same thoughts and feelings today that I did way back then. Different people, different place that I call home, same old stuff. I want progress in every aspect. Did I? Am I closer to being that full human being that I keep wishing to be but am just out of reach from being?

I have a job this year, and 350 kids that I refer to routinely now as "mine." I plan 14 lessons a week and teach every one faithfully three times. I have my own apartment- which isn't much- but it IS mine. I've faithfully paid my rent for six months now. I have a shiny car, decorated a Christmas tree, and hang out with lots of friends. I have a boyfriend that lives 200 miles away.

Do all of these things get me closer to the goal? Did I really make progress? Am I really happy? Is anyone really happy, and if so, what happens when they are? I just don't know right now.

rob

Back that truck up

Ok, so I'm really not manic depressive. Really. (And you're thinking-- riiiiight) Anyway this is what is really going on now that I have the emotional stuff out of the way for a moment.

I'm a teacher now. I don't know when I grew up, I didn't feel it so much... but I'm a professional working in the school world now with my name on a door and everything. (sing "workin for the man every night and day.. big wheel keep on turnin'"... here) I like it... really, I do. Last week was crazy though. No, December was crazy. Crazy kids, Crazy guys hangin around me, crazy life. All my shopping was done two days ago-- two days earlier than ever, I might add! I drove back to good ol' Clarion yesterday night, and have been trying to get over my cold all day so I can go play at church tonight. They have invited me back, and I'll be playing with Steph :) Love Steph... hehe

Boyfriend world is kinda scary as of today.... Last night actually, when he told me that for personal reasons he doesn't want to have sex anymore. This is VERY not like him AT ALL. And moreover, he is expecting me to be just okay with it, that there is more to a relationship than sex. I was trying to explain to him that sex is a normal healthy part of a relaitonship-- to which he replied to some relationships. To which I replied, its been part of our relationship and still is, at least to me, a very special part. Its not dirty and cheap as much as its an expression. After talking it over for an hour or so, I told him that it would be wise to compromise- maybe make sex a smaller part, but not cut it out completely because it wouldn't make either of us happy-- deep down. I'm afraid it might be a symptom of his immaturity, and I don't think that he is being completely honest about WHY he wants to make this change in our relationship and it's boundaries. He says its personal about his mother... I just don't understand. And I'm having a hard time supporting this decision hes making about my life too-- at least it should be about my life too.

Oh well, time for Mass. I guess I have something to pray about...

Rob