real

Its been a rough week. I think I have too much time on my hands or something, but ive been really down. Its times like this I wonder why I bother. I realized (with the help of my roomate, who can manage to beat sense into me when everyone else fails) why tonight.

Every time I get to see Joel, its like the first kiss, all over again. The last time I'll never forget. My recital was just over and the reception had run its course. We were cleaning up and needed to get the flowers/flower stand off of the stage. Joel and I went up to get them together. We got onto the stage and it happened... That feeling of electricity, his body close to mine after longing for it for so long...

Thats why I bother
A long distance relationship is probably ten times harder than anything i've ever done.

Its also the most rewarding

It takes moments like this to realize how lucky I am, to celebrate the first kiss with someone time and time again. To finally put to rest the desires that have been raging since the last goodbye.

Yes, I'm lucky, yes its worth it
and yes, its the best feeling i've ever had.

I love you Joel

time passes....

Well, let me just say that my senior recital on October 2nd went EXCELLENTLY! Thanks to all my friends who came out to support me and everyone else who couldn't because it was break but told me good luck. I'm SO glad to have it behind me. Equally, I was glad to have Joel here for the WHOLE weekend :) It was the best weekend in clarion (minus a few drunken brawls, etc) thus far, another award winning ALF.

In a way its kinda sad. It marked really the first of a lot of important "lasts" that will happen in the coming months. It was the last ALF that we will all be together. The one thing that strikes me about it is that I've spent each one differently. A lot of my greek friends have the same traditions year after year including parties until 5am followed by kegs-and-eggs at 6, watching the parade from a roof or a bar, etc... Mine have all been differnet. Freshman and Sophomore years I spent with Brendan, being in the parade and such. Honestly, I don't remember much else from either of those. I know they have all been spent with friends doing a variety of things. Sophomore year I remember the rides most of all, well... rides and food. Last year was probably the most exotic ALF ever. I think i drank the most that week of all of them, althoguh it was parallel to Labor Day and Halloween. I remember having my voice lesson at 4:00... pretty much the last class of the week, and walking across a dead campus in my newly-gotten out of storage leather jacket to see friends. Last ALF I was single, too. I spent Friday night in pittsburgh, with friends until about 5am. Then I got up and saw the parade with my family, including my cousin Danielle and her creepy boyfriend of the day. Then I slept. Then I got drunk. Then I came within about two feet of being arrested. I safely don't remember most of that night except it involved Phi Mu Alpha and Ben's apartment, and the field next to Ben's apartment. Come to remember, I'm not quite sure where I slept that night. I do remember hiding from the cop's in Ben's bathtub with his younger brother. Yikes!

That was a rough night

More later