Affections

Its amazing how something really subtle can stir emotion and jar memory to another time and place nearly instantly. I was sitting here with my master playlist (IE all the music i've ever downloaded onto my old computer) on random, and it was astounding how quickly a certain progression of notes... a certain singer... a certain emotional song can bring deep seated emotions right up to the surface.

The same thing happens as I go through the other realms of my life... In the right mindset, I can walk past a bench or through a hallway and be reminded of other times and places. People who aren't in my life anymore, or people whose positions in my life have changed dramatically. Such small things can stir such emotion... sadness, longing, anger... bitterness... Music especially has this effect because it is so integral a part of life and closely associated with emotion surrounding other people.

My playlist was going through the list and I heard many different selections... Cindy Lauper reminds me of my time as boyfriends with Brendan- he downloaded it onto my computer and listened to it quite a lot. That makes me smile... and also have a tinge of longing for the past. Ben Folds Five plays next... I downloaded a bunch of their music in September, when my interest in a certian gentleman spurred me to download some old school stuff... Also the Spice Girls Two Become One. That song was going through my head when I consumated things with that certain gentleman. Debbie Gibson has the same effect as Cindy- I just want someone to hold. Moving on I hear the Fraggle Rock Theme Song, which makes me laugh a lot and reminds me of little homo, who is in a faraway country fighting for us right now... Then theres Garth Brooks which A. makes me think of Kelly and B. makes me think of a drive back from Pegasus a month or so ago... and C. the night I broke up with Brendan (the first time...) Back even further I hear Under the Bridge... that takes me back to Senior year and my first boyfriend... So much music, so many events... so much brought to the forefront. Finally the list makes it to DJ Sammy and Heaven- the candlelight version. That reminds me of the CMU dance in October... also it kind of brings me back to the night I met Tyler...

Places can have the same effect. The 2nd floor of the library reminds me of the night Brendan and I decided to continue living togehter this year. The mainstage always makes me think of Trevor Southworth... The door of the church makes me think of the night Kelly and I walked all over town in the rain...

Catch up time

Welcome back to the crazy homos life, boys and girls! Its 10 days later... The first week of school has come and gone, and theres been more drama around homo house than I even want to think about. Last Saturday I had really planned on being a good little church boi and going to bed nice and early. But no. I called the video store (where Tyler works) after I got done with birthday dinner with my family and found out that Erin was there and was going to Erie, with Tyler, to meet this girl. Soo... being that I miss Tyler and don't get to see him much other than on weekends, I'm just like... well, pick me up on the way... Ok. So. Yeah. We went to Erie. It is NOT smart to go to erie between the months of October and say, May because it SNOWS there a LOT to say the least. It began to snow when we first started getting into Erie county. And it snowed, and snowed, and snowed. In the meantime, we meet this girl and some of her friends and go out for food at the Dinor, whcih was this cozy little place with very frightening restrooms in the basement. So, things were all well and good and before we knew it it was 2am and we were back in the girls dorm. Since its a Christian school, boys aren;t allowed in rooms after 2, so we had to hang out in the lobby where we watched Virgin Suicides. Honestly, i wasn't paying a bit of attention though... I was watching the snow collect outside and talking to Tyler... We were kind of in HELL. In the meantime, Erin and girl were sitting together on the couch being all lovey dovey. It wasn't really my choice of ways to spend Saturday night, but I was with my boy, so I made the best of it. We made some friends Natalie and Colin who are totally fabulous and hung out in the back with us for pretty much the whole night. Finally at like 4 I go to Erin and say "Ok, I don't want to sound like a bitch or anything and I know you drove here and its your call, but its really time to leave for home if I'm going to get back in time for chuch" She took that better than I thought and we soon headed out. She was being kind of difficult at best, but at that point it was 4am and I didn't really care one bit. The snow was BAD. Like nothing I've seen before. So, Erin was driving about 10mph. I think we were sliding badly because we didn't have enough momentum to go forward at all. It was scary, and I was getting really frustrated that we were moving so slowly. Finally, after an hour (we only made it about 15 miles- maybe) I convinced Erin to let me drive- and I drove the rest of the way home after that... Yes, it was bad, but I did a good 40 on the interstate and we made it home in one piece at about 7. We stopped for gas in Edinboro and Tyler was pretty much freezing in the back seat, so I got him some hot chocolate :) Anyway, the good thing was that Erin didn't feel like going home, so Tyler and her crashed at the apartment for the morning. I went off to church and then came back to Tyler sleeping in my bed- and that was nice. I would love to have that more often :) We didn't bother getting out of bed until 2 or so and then Erin and Tyler headed back, and I hung out with Brendan until CCD later in the evening.

Sunday night was also when things began to unravel around here with drama. We had a welcome back shindig (for lack of better words) at the apartment and things were cool. Meagan showed up with Ryan's love interest (they were kind of togehter but not really i guess you could say... I don't evne know) and Ken was here... along with countless others who came and went through the evening. I sat with my laptop talking to Tyler for the first part of the evening. Anyway, Ken got pretty hammered and that made Brendan upset, so there was drama there. Meanwhile, Ryan was rather obsessed with Joshua getting to know his friends here... so he was not in perfect form... I watched as he followed Joshua everywhere... including to the bathroom. It was interesting while I was on the computer because I was kind of out of the action and I could see it better than most of the others. I even talked to Tyler about it... Anyway, Brendan was very upset at Ken. Eventually they did make up, but I guess the damage was done as they broke up on Tuesday night... and then again on Friday. That made a really stressful week for the Compassionate Roomate!

Monday I went to NyNy, had just enough to drink, and had a toasty ride home with Ron and Bob. Also on Monday I had lunch with Dear Old Dad. Tyler was going to come up for dinner, however at the last minute his mother came home and informed him that they would be eating out... So no Tyler until Friday since hes so busy with his play... Our relationship, on a whole, is going really well. Its not too serious, well I mean yet, and very comfortable. This is the part of a relationship I love, and I hope to make it last. I know there will be fights and bitterness at some point, but we're off to a very good start.... We talked every day this week if only for a few minutes...

Anyway, Tuesday night I was getting ready for bed and Brendan came into my room and informed me that he was probably going to break up with Ken, because in the long run it would be best for both of them... And he told me to stay awake... So I did... Eventually he came in and I was about 1/2 way sleeping, but he cried for awhile on my bed and we talked... I hate to see him so upset, and genuinely, he has had kind of bad luck lately with guys- mostly the fact that they aren't mature enough for him. Hes been dating guys who are younger than him ever since me, and it seems like the same story over and over... Not that I am against dating younger guys (Hey Pot, its Kettle, YOU ARE BLACK)

I told a few people on Wednesday about the big breakup, however, I also called it that they would be back together by the end of the day- which they were... In other news I had class on wednesday with Sara and we spent a little bit of quality time... we took a nap in my bed :) Its been so blasted cold around here this week that I really felt like doing nothing else. Blah. It was lucky to get above 10 and on Thursday we never even made it to 5... Plus the tundra winds we have around town are frightening, and they make things even worse.

I should give honorable mention to my other friends who have sauntered back into town... Kelly, Sharron, Ryan... they're all back. Its nice to have everyone around. I just hope that all the drama brought on by the first week of the semester isn't any indication of what is to come. Sophomore year had to be the worst for all of us between fights with friends and the Big Breakup of Brendan and I (TM) We've come out stronger, and I hope that everyone can just enjoy eachother- enjoy the little time we have remaining here all together. Thats what I've come to find will be important between now and graduation- we won't be together forever. As friends, even probably as significant others. Our relationships will change from living on top of eachother to living across the country- from seeing eachother several times a day to seeing eachother if we are lucky that many times in a decade. Is there any point in making big deals over petty things? No.

So the weekend eventually rolled around. Thursday night, Joshua and Ryan had "the talk" which ended their relationship. I think both will be happier as a result... No Pegs on thursday becuase A. I need a break and B. The weather was questionable. I stayed in and did some work and also went over to visit Meg, Joshua, and others...

Friday was fun... well for me. I got a call at work that Ronnie needed his car to be jump started, so I told him I could do it after 4 when I was done. Well, around 3 when I was reading old yearbooks in the basement, I see brendan walking by the library. So, I ran out and told him about Ron's car, and asked if he would go and take care of it... So all was well and good... until about 430 when Ron called and said no one had come to help with his car...

I arrived home to find Brendan on the phone... crying... he wouldn't tell me why although he was on hold, so I headed for Rons... I have to say, that was probably the most in depth conversation time I've really had with Ron... Hes gone through quite a lot of crap and has been treated rather badly by some people... in short, hes been played more than once. I hope he finds someone stable... He does deserve it. We got his car running, and I headed home to find out that Ken broke up with Brendan- for good this time. :(

Brendan is rather crushed and bitter still... it wasn't a good night for him. I went to Happy Hour after spending time with him, and making dinner reservations for 6 with Brendan, Kelly, and Bob. I figured it would get him out of the house, at least!

Happy hour at the Loomis was cool- way too straight- but fun anyway... and dinner was tasty. Ken and Brendan were slated to talk later.. So when we returned from dinner I got drink orders from Tyler (since the store closes at 9) and headed out to take care of that. In passing I saw Ken and we chatted as usual, but I'm not sure how he fits in now. I mean, hes my friend- but I don't know how things will change now with them being broken up.... hmm

So I picked up Dani and we came back for homo beauty salon in the basement... Bob cut Dani and Kellys hair and they are both CUTE :) :) I saw Tylers car pull in but they didn't come in... He and Jen were out smoking in the car... So, I said Hi and then told them I would see them when they came in because it was way too cold for me to be outside ;)

We had a good night at homo house... I cuddled with Tyler under the comforter on the couch for most of it while we watched Comedy Central... Tyler was rather burned out, and I was just plain sleepy... In the meantime Brendan was drinking his sorrows away and planning a big roadtrip to Philly for Saturday... Why? I don't know... just to get out I guess...

So Tyler Jen and I headed for bed... and that was fun. One of my favorite things about dating someone is holding eachother while we sleep, and we got a whole night to do that for a change. Tyler is the perfect size for me to hold :) :) (well, and the other stuff of course)
We all slept in on Saturday... the whole family was around for awhile (Brendan, Ryan, Bob, Kelly, Tylers friend Jen, Tyler, and me) until Brendan Ryan and Kelly left for Philly... So we got up and lounged around the house for a bit until Tyler and Jen had to go to get Tyler to work by 2...

So, more about Tyler... I like him a lot. In fact, I daresay I love the boy... it was a really good weekend, and I can't wait to spend more time with him :)

We had a late dinner after he worked on Saturday... It was the first time that it was really just the two of us together for an extended period of time without friends around, so that was nice... we actually talked a lot and I feel like I know him better now... I'm so glad I met him ;)

That kind of brings me up to date... I was actually well rested for church this morning and my choir sang beautifully. I worked at the church through the afternoon as well and made quite a bit of headway getting things cleaned up. I still have a lot to do around there, but I'm enjoying things and its good experience, as well as paying well.

Oh well, thus ends this week for the most part... I'm sure there is more that I left out, especially about classes and such, but thats not what ya'll are interested in I am sure

Later