Good Friends

So, i'm anti-social. Its kind of happened over the span of the last month. People just irritate me a lot of the time...

Pause for text message from Bill. He made me vibrate at church tonight during the presentation hymn 'here i am Lord'. and then just now instead of "i heard you calling in the night"... "I felt you vibrating in my pants" No, you don't think its funny, but i sat here and laughed for at least 5 minutes. There are few people in this world that would ever be on that level with me!

Anyway, i got home from church tonight and got stuck in the driveway again. I resigned to parking on campus and went into the dark house. Not that I minded, but i wondered what happened to brendan and company. So, i called. They were at Arby's. I sunk back into my chair resigned to boyfriend shopping online. I'm far too practical for this, by the way. Althoguh I might find someone reasonably attractive and interesting I shy away from actually IMing them on the grounds of practicality. I wrote off Camaro Boy because insurance on a Camaro would be FAR too much if we were ever to marry. I think I saved myself a lot of trouble... anyway, brendan called back to invite me along. I was glad, i need diversion. It was fun... I was sociable for a change :)

Then, my angelic friends despite my dark mood for the last month proceeded to help me salt the driveway and shovel hundreds of pounds of ice to the side! And although it was hard work (i'll be sore for weeks!) we had a great time. It was safely the best driveway-shoveling-out party ever, followed by some hot-chocolate made by Brendan and watching Under the Tuscan Sun.

The movie...
was wonderful. The feel-good chick-flick of the year. It followed right along with the philosophical thought-train i was on earlier- what you want may just have to wait until you're ready...

night!
Robbie

so what if he was just an understudy, his rooom at the William Penn was just as nice as everyone elses!

So yeah, it was a great weekend getting out of town! Sadly i had to be back early today to play for 5:30 but i had such a good time.

Emilee called me like, last week, and wanted to know if I wanted to see RENT. Although i've seen it 4 times already, I never pass up an opportunity, and shes never seen it, so I was all for it. The weather wasn't... but Friday afternoon it was really just rainy so I headed out to Pittsburgh.

The drive was really the best i've had all week. Aside from the rain, i made good time until i hit traffic near pgh. But, I had plenty of people to call and txt. I messaged Bill on the off chance that he might be around, and it turned out that his boyfriend was going to see the show too, and maybe we would meet up later. That was good news since Bill is such a fun guy!

So, I get to the parking garage by Pegasus (what memories... LOL) and head over to Heinz hall to wait for tickets with Em. We didn't get the cheap seats in the pit, but we did get AWESOME seats... Like, the actors could have spit on me if they wanted to. I had my seat in A2 and Emilee and Jodie were 2 rows behind. yay!

So we had dinner and met Jodie and headed to Heinz hall once again. It was a heat wave in Pittsburgh-- it was almost 45 degrees out!

It was so much fun actually being close enough for the actors to see me. My favorite understudy had a beautiful smile-- he smiled more with his eyes than his mouth- lets jsut say i was in a puddle on the floor by the end of the show. It wasn't the best cast i've seen, but by far it was the best experience i've had with the show.

We went out back and got to meet several of the personalities from the show :) :) (and of course mentioned where we were going afterward... lol)

Anyway, the rest of the night was just as much fun. We headed to Pegs before it got crowded... then all of a sudden like everyone was there. I've NEVER seen it so packed i don't think. Bill ended up coming over after we played phone tag from the theatre to the club. Somehow he found me in the jumble of people. We danced and had a great time. Ken and the IUP boys were down as well, but no other clarion homos (for which Ken and I were grateful!). It turned into a fantastic evening, filled with friends, and strangers who turned into friends... and most of the rest of it is a blur....

* * * * * *
As I headed back to Clarion this morning with the Pittsburgh skyline in my rearview mirror (which i have just learned how to adjust) I definitely had a smile on my face.. I've been reflecting a lot lately on relationships. I don't want it to be an issue for me right now but it is becoming a bit consuming. Its so unfair that you meet such wonderful people at totally the wrong times. At the same time, sometimes its for the best... maybe they need to learn something from another relationship or direction than you hoped that things would go. Sometimes things aren't meant to be- and its not our place to force them to happen, because we could be royally fucking something up that could happen in the future when things aren't as tumultious as they are at this point. Its unfair, but its also the way fate usually works.

Robbie

Oh yeah! Ken, Mikey, Jamie, and Beeker and I built snowmen this week... check them out!




Check Ken's site for more!

later

The Passing of another month

So, as usual, i'm pretty bi-polar this week.

Happy news...
I got my new car finally :) Monday i came home from school early and dealt with all the insurance and signing my life away to creditors and such. It was a great time... my pen ran out of ink :) For awhile i was starting to think that I would never get the thing because it seemed that nothing was falling into place. My whole family went out to see it over the weekend while i was at districts, and they all approve. Albiet, its a bit sporty for me, but what was i supposed to do, ask them to board up the moon roof? :) Its definitely the cutest car on the block :) I named him Sebastian. I've found a few slight problems... the biggest being a small stain in the trunk. Its like im not even driving at all, and the brakes work and everything... it'll be awhile before i get used to it, but i think i made a good choice and for the money it was a great deal. Not only did they take my old car as a trade in (very surprised), i got them below the blue book price on it even though its in practically perfect condition. The only caution i have is that the gadgets (seats, knobs, etc) tend to break easily, so i'll have to be careful when im having sex in the back seat... but otherwise, its a BEAUTIFUL car...
Heres a picture (just picture a hot skinny gay boy driving it)





Sad news...
I'm depressed even with a new shiny car... I'm not sure why.... I think Ken and I are gonna go watch depressing movies and eat Ben n Jerrys... I feel misplaced, and alone no matter how many people i surround myself with. The thing is... im not really sad in general, just a few moments, here and there, that i feel like im lost. I miss having the security of a boyfriend but i don't miss the drama and the fact that all gay men do is use eachother. I don't know of one healthy gay relationship save for maybe brendan and jayson, but even thats almost a stretch, and there are definitely no others. Im out of the drama loop but i still hear about it and all the boyfriend hopping... I don't want any part of that anymore... its certainly not a healthy way to build a relationship. A not so wise person once said "once a cheater, always a cheater". That unwise person doesn't even take his own advice. Thats destructive...

I know there must be some decent boys out there, just none in my zip code... except for maybe one...

ok

true confessions

i have a crush on someone

but... i don't think he likes me

shh
don't tell...

oh well

later
robbie