Affections

Its amazing how something really subtle can stir emotion and jar memory to another time and place nearly instantly. I was sitting here with my master playlist (IE all the music i've ever downloaded onto my old computer) on random, and it was astounding how quickly a certain progression of notes... a certain singer... a certain emotional song can bring deep seated emotions right up to the surface.

The same thing happens as I go through the other realms of my life... In the right mindset, I can walk past a bench or through a hallway and be reminded of other times and places. People who aren't in my life anymore, or people whose positions in my life have changed dramatically. Such small things can stir such emotion... sadness, longing, anger... bitterness... Music especially has this effect because it is so integral a part of life and closely associated with emotion surrounding other people.

My playlist was going through the list and I heard many different selections... Cindy Lauper reminds me of my time as boyfriends with Brendan- he downloaded it onto my computer and listened to it quite a lot. That makes me smile... and also have a tinge of longing for the past. Ben Folds Five plays next... I downloaded a bunch of their music in September, when my interest in a certian gentleman spurred me to download some old school stuff... Also the Spice Girls Two Become One. That song was going through my head when I consumated things with that certain gentleman. Debbie Gibson has the same effect as Cindy- I just want someone to hold. Moving on I hear the Fraggle Rock Theme Song, which makes me laugh a lot and reminds me of little homo, who is in a faraway country fighting for us right now... Then theres Garth Brooks which A. makes me think of Kelly and B. makes me think of a drive back from Pegasus a month or so ago... and C. the night I broke up with Brendan (the first time...) Back even further I hear Under the Bridge... that takes me back to Senior year and my first boyfriend... So much music, so many events... so much brought to the forefront. Finally the list makes it to DJ Sammy and Heaven- the candlelight version. That reminds me of the CMU dance in October... also it kind of brings me back to the night I met Tyler...

Places can have the same effect. The 2nd floor of the library reminds me of the night Brendan and I decided to continue living togehter this year. The mainstage always makes me think of Trevor Southworth... The door of the church makes me think of the night Kelly and I walked all over town in the rain...