So how did the story end?

Life is such a strange thing. Years pass by and somehow, events lead to one another that take things full circle- not back to the beginning but rather to the same set of circumstances. I learned quite a lot on the trip around, met some wonderful people and said goodbye to a lot of them, too. Someone told me once that the key to the meaning of life is relationships. More and more I'm proving her right. My life has been shaped to what it is now by hundreds and hundreds of relationships-- boyfriends, family, friends, people from the internet who I may never know. Constantly changing, growing... fading away.

That said, here I am... the end of 2005. I'm single, but I'm starting to see that that really should NOT be the defining of a successful time in my life or not. As far as that particular variety of relationships go, I think that its equally important to be okay on one's own as it is to get along with someone well enough to share a bed and box of fruity pebbles with. After 5 years of dating and bouncing from guy to guy (well not quite literally) I finally get it. I'm complete. I'm not just saying that, I swear.

The husband will come
and the house and corresponding plants/pets.

Jer was the perfect guy. Until I realized there were so many things wrong with him. And he realized that there was so much he wanted to change about me.

Janice is one of my new best friends. After a whole year I finally made a friend at work who I would (and often do) hang out with outside of school! We've been frequenting the Fritch- short for the Barbara Fritchie Candlestick Resturant. We mainly vent about kids and make fun of the elderly crowd there. Its wicked fun!

Em is married now! She did it over the summer... out of the blue. Then she called me and said "hey, i got married today" and I replied that I had my recircumcision and became Jewish. However, she wasn't kidding. I'm insanely jealous and immensley happy for her, though!

Richard moved to Ithaca. Sadness. But I go to visit :) (Perhaps I should write about THAT trip... te he he)

There are lots of new people in my life now. They make me smile. And pee.

That catches up a bit about life in 2005. Overall, a bangup year. Now is a season of growth and self-reflection. Perhaps some healing is in order too. Regrets are few, and pointless anyway; things only go up from here.

Still I remain...

Soundtrack

I've come to realize more and more lately that music is the way that I organize my thoughts and feelings. I was randomly going through an old playlist and suddenly was transformed back about two years. Avril Lavigne was singing "I'm with You" and I was in the back of some boy's (who will remain nameless) car. Before we complicated things with thought and feeling, we just were. I haven't given that night much thought in a very long time-- but just a few measures of the song and I was back there, reliving the moment.

I don't know how crazy it sounds, but every major phase in my life has its corresponding sound track. The Coyote Ugly soundtrack takes me somewhere else. Driving across the causeway wondering if he likes me or not. Fiona Apple takes me to high school pining after a straight boy.

Daniel Bedingfield takes me somewhere else yet. Things were so complicated-- needlessly.

How about Tori's Mother. Summer of 2000. Beach. His name was Andrew, and I've not seen or heard from him since.

No More Drama, A New Day Has Come. Breakup of 02. Need I say more?

Dashboard Confessional. Yikes. DJR4. Wow. Counting Crows Baltimore... or Color Blind. Or Summer Rain.

A Hundred Years-- I was trying to make ends meet and student teach.

Small Enough by Nicole Nordeman-- how many times have I cried to that song. Once on I-80 heading for my future home. Here I am. Once a few Sunday's ago, driving around town trying to make sense of everything.

Superman transports me to my first day at Clarion. Tonight and the Rest of My Life takes me there too, with someone who I'm not spending the rest of my life with.

Papa can you hear me? Sit down, you're rockin the boat.

Since You've been Gone is my current soundtrack song... I can only wonder what I'll be thinking when it jumps onto my play list two years from now.

Who says music isn't important.

Another Year, what have we learned?

As I sit here on Christmas eve, waiting to play once again at I.C. for midnight mass, I wonder about where I am now as opposed to a year ago. I look back and find three posts. One from Christmas Eve, one from Christmas day, and one other. Despite every change in my life and every person that is there that hasn't been, I have the same thoughts and feelings today that I did way back then. Different people, different place that I call home, same old stuff. I want progress in every aspect. Did I? Am I closer to being that full human being that I keep wishing to be but am just out of reach from being?

I have a job this year, and 350 kids that I refer to routinely now as "mine." I plan 14 lessons a week and teach every one faithfully three times. I have my own apartment- which isn't much- but it IS mine. I've faithfully paid my rent for six months now. I have a shiny car, decorated a Christmas tree, and hang out with lots of friends. I have a boyfriend that lives 200 miles away.

Do all of these things get me closer to the goal? Did I really make progress? Am I really happy? Is anyone really happy, and if so, what happens when they are? I just don't know right now.

rob

Back that truck up

Ok, so I'm really not manic depressive. Really. (And you're thinking-- riiiiight) Anyway this is what is really going on now that I have the emotional stuff out of the way for a moment.

I'm a teacher now. I don't know when I grew up, I didn't feel it so much... but I'm a professional working in the school world now with my name on a door and everything. (sing "workin for the man every night and day.. big wheel keep on turnin'"... here) I like it... really, I do. Last week was crazy though. No, December was crazy. Crazy kids, Crazy guys hangin around me, crazy life. All my shopping was done two days ago-- two days earlier than ever, I might add! I drove back to good ol' Clarion yesterday night, and have been trying to get over my cold all day so I can go play at church tonight. They have invited me back, and I'll be playing with Steph :) Love Steph... hehe

Boyfriend world is kinda scary as of today.... Last night actually, when he told me that for personal reasons he doesn't want to have sex anymore. This is VERY not like him AT ALL. And moreover, he is expecting me to be just okay with it, that there is more to a relationship than sex. I was trying to explain to him that sex is a normal healthy part of a relaitonship-- to which he replied to some relationships. To which I replied, its been part of our relationship and still is, at least to me, a very special part. Its not dirty and cheap as much as its an expression. After talking it over for an hour or so, I told him that it would be wise to compromise- maybe make sex a smaller part, but not cut it out completely because it wouldn't make either of us happy-- deep down. I'm afraid it might be a symptom of his immaturity, and I don't think that he is being completely honest about WHY he wants to make this change in our relationship and it's boundaries. He says its personal about his mother... I just don't understand. And I'm having a hard time supporting this decision hes making about my life too-- at least it should be about my life too.

Oh well, time for Mass. I guess I have something to pray about...

Rob

Eventually, no matter how tulmultous, life sinks into an even flow. A pattern. Much like the ocean. There are high tides and low tides- right on cue. There are times of murky water, and times that things are all crystal clear. Yes, there is the occasional storm. But there is also the occasional and almost eerie calm. Life flows like that I guess. All is well, until of course you find yourself in a whole new ocean.

The fish are different here in Maryland. My friends are mostly professionals around here. We work a lot, the weeks it seems we work and sleep. Monday is always laundry day unless it is a holiday... Tuesday and Wednesday are the i'm too tired to do anything else days. Thursday is professional development until 7:30. Friday happy hour. Saturday and Sunday fit in church, grocery shopping, and maybe an IKEA trip or two to pass the time. Ebb and flow, steady, predictable.

I Heart my new home... miss you though...

I woke up this morning to the sound of my alarm. Thinking it was my phone and maybe Brandon was calling before work or something, I tried to answer it to no avail. Finally it dawned on me that A. it was my alarm, B. I wasn't entirely sure where I was, and C. I was going to be late for brunch...

After a few snoozes, I remembered where I was. Granted, I've been in 5 different states in the last 2 weeks. I was in my new, huge bedroom in my new, not so huge apartment. And I'm not going back home this time--- as a matter of fact this strange place IS home now. And-- I was late for brunch with my mom and Craig, because they were leaving to head back to PA afterward.

So that was my morning. I've spent two weeks away from Cedar Point now (and my baby), seen more than enough of my family, packed up H house almost entirely, and kind of half unpacked my new place.

I walked out onto my patio (after getting dressed-- I do live alone, afterall!) and took in the view. On my left, I can see Harpers Ferry, WV in a gap in the mountains. On my right I can see the little town down in the valley with the church steeples and whatnot. Maybe things here won't be so bad afterall....

I must finish unpacking!

Whoa...

Back to Clarion for an evening... then to MD for 2 days apartment hunting.... then back to CP
 
I had a really sappy post all ready, but it got lost. GRR. Basically, I love you Brandon :) (and I know you'll read this) tehe....
 
Later

Nothing special... just wanted to keep everyone posted...

What a summer. Its going so fast, I haven't had a moment of computer time since I've been at Cedar Point... Just some quick updates...

JOBS: (I have one!) I will be working at Hillcrest Elementary School in Frederick, MD teaching K-5 music! I'm SOOO ready for it. I'll miss a certain someone when I leave good old CP on August 1... but thats about it. Not that I don't love it here, I'm just ready for life's next challenges.

LOVE: Meet one Brandon Quinn... Boyfriend extraordinare. Hes cute, young, undramatic, and I love being around him... I love pretty much everything about him, actually. The irony is that last summer I was dating a guy from MD and going back to PA. This year its reversed... but we'll see how that goes I suppose.

OTHER STUFF: Well, I'm on my way to the bar!