Bi Polar

So I've come around to getting used to the idea of Ryan leaving a little bit more. Its still hard, but hes been good about constantly reassuring his wreck of a gay boyfriend. A lot of people are giving me mixed advice. I look at it this way, anything in life is a gamble... True, i could wind up wasting a summer, but I don't know that. Maybe we'll prove them wrong. Sure, it won't be easy for me, or him (at least I don't think) but... why the hell not. As funny as it sounds at this point, he makes me awfully happy. I think once i get used to this whole CP thing, things will stop being strained as they have been this week. Above all I do want Ryan to be happy. My job is not to let his happiness devistate me... and its not. Live and learn, it will be something of a test if it works out, something to look back and laugh about. Right??

PS, my pvt journal has a new entry.. nothing too special, but rather hysterical... ;)

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After a long church choir practice, we went to the club last night with Bob. It was actually a pretty good time. I got Ryan to dance to some of my more favorite songs... It was fun except Ryan had this thing about grabbing me inappropriately... HARD. Grr... Lol, its all good now though... he had a little more to drink than he probably should have but, you'll have that. We ended up sitting with Joe, Ken, Josh, and Meg at EatnPark, which was truly an interesting "bridging the gap" experience, even though Joe was a little out of line... but he was drunk and I didn't really take him seriously... The drive home was hell, but it gave me plenty of time to think and relax a little bit. I feel good today :)

Ciao